Battle: Los Angeles: A Review

Hi there guys sorry for not posting in ages guys but just thought I'd give you this quick review guys on BATTLE: LOS ANGELES quite possibly the most brick-shitting thing you'll see in ages but like that doesn't mean it's good ya know because it's all about like ALIENS and shit and all these aliens are like attacking earth and all and really messing things up for everyone 'cause they're all like 'Hey guys give us your water' and earth is all like 'No GTFO' then the aliens all land in the water even though they have planes and attack the coast of LA even though they have planes and they attack the coast of every major city even though they have planes but that doesn't matter because it's got all like hand-held camera movements so you can't really see what's going on like all of the time which I suppose is pretty cool looking sometimes but then  it's all exploitative and stuff and it looks cool but its not cool because it's cool ya know it's like sometimes Aaron (f)Eckhart is trying to talk but you can't see him 'cause the camera is all like 'OOOWWOOO SHAKY N SHIT' but all the audience really wants to do is look at Aaron and see what he's like when he's not Two-Face but hey did you know that Ne-Yo was in it that's right he's that rapper guy it's like he wants to be Jamie Foxx but can't sing OOOOHHH BURRRRNNN yeah take that Ne-Yo you're trying to be like Neo from the Matrix but you're not because you can't fly and none of the humans can in this either or some reason right I know I'm sorry I'll go back to talking about the humans because they are so dumb boy they are really dumb I feel like Antoine Dodgson saying this because boy those humans are dumb but then so the aliens are dumb as well it's like two dumb sides in a dumb war made in a dumb way for dumb people who don't mind being dumb it's not as if you can walk into this and leave your brain at the door because it's all like violent and loud and noisy and you're all 'Dude give my brain a rest' and the movie says 'F**k your brain!' then there's a small bit of plot and you think oh maybe this could really pick up but no it's just (f)Eckhart giving a small Indian boy called Hector (HECTOR?!) a salute and saying he's all being brave and stuff but I'm not seeing Hector pick up any guns here like Eckhart does so I really don't know where he's getting it from because all that kid and the other couple of plot-less people they find just get in the way if I was Eckhart I would give that kid a gun and tell him to whale on those aliens because they're all gonna die any probably I dunno that's not a spoiler  I swear but that kid could totally take them on 'cause then it'd be like playing Call of Duty or something which is kind of what this movie it's like it's for CoD fans but you don't have a controller.

Soundtrack for this post: The Dropkick Murphys